Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
