you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
