I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
