So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
