i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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