i permit you to call me
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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