He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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