end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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