she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
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