i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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