my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
