she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
