worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
