then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
