So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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