I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
the day after is always just damage control
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I need to calm my uterus...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
