AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
