well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
