I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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