guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
