Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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