Your face is a jimmy john
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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