I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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