Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
