I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
