I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
