I murdered the dance floor call the cops
People in love make me want to vomit
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
