my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we made out on top of his cat.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
