I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
