Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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