oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
