I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
