When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize