hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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