He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
