Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
