I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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