Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
