i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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