So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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