somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
