Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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