Define "chronic" masturbator.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
