these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
and she was petting her beer can
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
