wat bout pragnant strippers??
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
