sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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