so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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