Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
