So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
