He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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