dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
