Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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