Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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