i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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