You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Boobs speak an international language.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
