I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
