you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
