question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
