i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
