Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
