hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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