Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
