kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
