if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
