I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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