She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
