Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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