Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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