I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
